One of the things I love about Sundays is church and the questions that stir in my heart the rest of the day. Lately I feel like the sermons have been speaking directly to me and situations in my life. The church I have been going to is currently conducting a series on temptation and the different ways we are tempted into sin. Today focused on safety and how God's will isn't always the safe option but it is always the good option. This concept resonated with me on a number of levels.
First, when starting nursing school I thought I would really enjoy working with people who struggle with mental illness and that I would be able to help them and could empathize with them. I have mental health clinicals this semester and every time I leave clinicals I have a feeling of discomfort in my heart. I have been interpreting this feeling as "this area of nursing is not for me" but maybe it is something different. I know I am very new to mental health nursing and I haven't found my comfort zone in the field yet... maybe that is how it is suppose to be...maybe it is good that I don't feel 'safe' in this area of nursing and maybe you are not suppose to... maybe that is what makes good mental health nurses. What I do know is that I find myself reflecting on my experiences in the mental health unit for multiple days after clinicals. So maybe I won't count it out just yet and maybe this is a place where I can do the most good.
Second, lately I have been recognizing a fear in my heart that I usually try to suppress. The fear that once Jonathan and I finally get to the point of starting our lives together, it will be cut short. (wow - feels weird to write that out loud...)
[Here is a little history - Jon and I have been dating for over 4 years and most of our relationship has been long/short distance. He deployed for the first time about 3 months after we first started dating; when he returned he found a job that took him across the state of MN for 3 years (so we did short distance dating = 4 hours apart). This was all followed by his acceptance into the active duty army officer training program and my acceptance into graduate school. Currently we are both living in GA but still maintain our 'short distance' relationship.]
We try to make the most of every minute we get together but sometimes I find myself waiting for our life together to finally start. Here's the point of all of this - I know the life Jon and I are choosing is not the safest choice, Jonathan's career may will offer many difficult and fearful situations, and sometimes I let my fear get the best of me. The sermon this morning was a great reminder that it is OK to not always feel safe or comfortable and many times living God's will may be unsafe but His will is also always good. It settles my heart to know that no matter where we go, what we do or how much time we get together, as long as we stick to our faith and follow where God leads then we will have joy and peace. There will always be things that scare me in life but I don't want to miss the adventure just because I fear the outcomes.
"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." ~ Acts 20:24
There you have it folks, a little bit of my heart and the life lessons that have been marinating in my thoughts and prayers today. I hope this post finds you fearless and joy-filled today. Take care.
No comments:
Post a Comment